First Crush
by BoxingKing
Summary: Koenma has a crush, and it's up to Yusuke to help him in getting a date! One shot.


**First Crush**

BoxingKing

XxXxXx

Prince Koenma looked at the screen, sighed once, and thunked his head on his desk. "Why? Why me? It's not like I don't have enough problems already! Fate just had to add one more." He heard a small distorted squeak and quickly looked back up at the screen.

"She's leaving! Ogre, she's leaving! We have to stop her!" Koenma stood, balancing precariously on his chair. He gave a small hop, "Ogre, Ogre, Ogre!"

Slowly one of the large double doors opened as Ogre walked in holding a stack of papers. "Sir, we've been over this. You can't interfere. We have looked up every possible law, and there is nothing that you can use to stop her from leaving. She hasn't even done anything!" Ogre shook his head slightly. His young charge never seemed to learn.

Koenma threw himself back into his chair with a disgusted snort. "There has to be something we can do. No one is ever clean with the law."

"Everyone is clean with the law. Mortals hardly ever break Spirit World's rules. We've been over this, too. You are just going to have to accept it, Koenma."

Koenma swiveled his chair to face Ogre and pointed dramatically behind him at the screen. "Look at that! How can you tell me to accept it? She is flirting with the enemy!"

Ogre blinked once at his employer, then walked over to the T.V. and shut it off. "You are going to make yourself sick watching this all the time. You know how you get stomachaches when you get so stressed out. And besides, you shouldn't be spying on people. It's rude."

"Ogre! I'm in charge of the Spirit Realm, I'm supposed to know about everything that is going on! Now turn that back on!"

"This hardly has anything to do with your domain. Not until either one of them is dead. Or breaks the law," he added as an afterthought.

"Hello, enemy! Enemy! We have to keep an eye on him. He'll probably commit some nefarious act as soon as we aren't watching. He could even be doing something right now!"

Ogre turned around and began to start putting papers away in the various filing cabinets stacked around the room. "I never should have let him start watching soaps," he muttered. "He never started talking like this until he watched those stupid things…"

In the mean time, Koenma had rushed over to the T.V. and switched it back on. His eyes began to hungrily take in the scene occurring before him. They suddenly popped open in horror.

"He's taking her to McDonalds. McDonalds!" He jerked around to look at Ogre. "We have to stop him! She can't be seen at so common a place as McDonalds!"

Before Ogre could waylay him, Koenma raced towards the giant doors. "Come on, Ogre! We have a mission! We have to stop-" He froze as Yusuke suddenly waltzed in, stifling a yawn.

"Did I hear ya right, Toddler? A mission? Thank god, it's been so bloody boring around here. It must be like demon lent or something, what with them all behaving."

Ogre and Koenma both stared in shock at the detective. Koenma made a small eep as he realized he had left the T.V. on. He suddenly switched directions and raced towards the device to shut it and its betraying emissions off.

Ogre launched himself at Yusuke. "Yusuke!" he bellowed, rushing forward to shake hands, "It's been so long! How have you been? How's Keiko doing? She's due any day now, right?"

Yusuke tried to extricate his hand from Ogre's steely grip. "Try again, Blue Dude, she's not even pregnant. I don't even want to know who you confused her with. She wouldn't either, so I advise you never to mention this incident to her.

"N-no? Silly me. Must be someone else… that I know…" he lamely trailed off. Yusuke suddenly squinted at him.

"Blue Dude, you don't know that many humans, let alone female ones, so either you need glasses for confusing Keiko with an ogre, or something's up. You only ever lie like this when you two are covering something up." He swung suspicious eyes over to Koenma. "What is it?"

Koenma walked quickly to sit behind his desk and fold his hands primly. "Yusuke, how dare you ask such a thing of us. Since when have we ever done anything to warrant that suspicion? How could you even know how we lie when we never lie to you?"

Grinning, Yusuke shoved his hands in his pockets. "You do realize the more you try and mislead me the more interested I'm going to get, right?"

"Fine. Your mission is…" Koenma closed his eyes and swiveled so his back faced Yusuke. "Go get me a dozen donuts. Pink. With sprinkles."

Yusuke stared deadpan at the little god's back for a moment for sitting down. "Strike one, Toddler. Try again." He kicked back and swung his feet up onto Koenma's desk and promptly knocked over a framed picture. With wide eyes he watched it start to wobble back and forth across the edge of the desk. With a muttered curse he lurched forward trying to catch it. "Damn it, Koenma! Since when did you have a picture right there?"

Koenma gasped and turned quickly towards the drama. "My picture!"

Yusuke's fingers just barely grazed the wood before it crashed with a magnificent shatter to the hard ground below. Ogre closed his eyes at the impending doom as Yusuke began fumbling an apology.

"Geez, Koenma, I'm so sorry! I'll buy you a new frame, I swear. I didn't even see it sitting there; it's like, totally a new feature."

Koenma simply stared in disbelief. Yusuke had broken the frame. He had spent hours looking for the perfect frame for that picture, trying to find the one that fit with it just right. And Yusuke, typical Yusuke, had broken it. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to find the words to yell at his low-down idiot detective.

"Yu-Yusuke, you – you – ja-"

Koenma was cut off as Yusuke leaned down to pick up the picture. "What is this a picture of, anyways?" Yusuke asked, completely ignoring the start of Koenma's tirade. "Your dad?"

Koenma squeaked and Ogre tried unsuccessfully to divert Yusuke's attention once more. "Here, Yusuke! Let me get that for you! No need for you to do such menial… tasks…"

"A girl!" his shocked voice conveyed. "What the hell are you doing with a picture of a girl on your desk? And such a pretty one, at that?"

Koenma stared at Yusuke, eyes wide, looking remarkably like a deer caught in headlights. "I – uh – uhm – it's my mother," he muttered desperately.

Yusuke gave a small bark of laughter. "Right, that's why you're blushing. You totally have a crush!" He leaned forward with a large smirk on his face. "So who is she? New clerk down in processing? New reaper? Come on, you can tell Uncle Yusuke."

Koenma put his head in his hands in defeat. "An actress," he muttered.

"What? Excuse me? I couldn't have heard you right. Did I hear you say an actress?"

Koenma took his head out of his hands long enough to glare at the detective. "Yes, an actress! She plays in a common soap opera. Why is that so hard for you?"

Yusuke kind of fell back into his chair. "Dude, Toddler, crushes on the famous aren't really crushes. It's not like you'll ever meet these people. And to them, you're just a crazed fan turned stalker. Give it up, dude."

"I can't! I see her everyday with that idiot she hangs out with and I just can't leave her with him!"

"What the hell, are you spying on her?" Yusuke asked in a delighted tone. "Awesome move, Koenma! I wish had the tools you did to do shit like that."

"Yusuke," admonished Ogre, "don't encourage him!"

Koenma leaned across the desk. "It doesn't do me any good, though. Ogre and I have tried to think of a way for me to meet her, and for the life of us we can't come up with a plausible law to charge her with breaking so that we can drag her in for a little one on one chat."

Yusuke threw back his head and laughed. "You could rival Kurama here, Koenma. Very devious."

"You've got to help me, Yusuke. You've probably run into plenty of these situations. What should I do?"

Yusuke leaned back, once more putting his feet on the desk, and began rubbing his chin in his best detective imitation. "Well, we'll just have to ambush her. The typical way of going about impressing a woman is to save her from some lame situation. Luckily, you've got me here to do it instead of Ogre. Ogre just isn't threatening enough." Koenma nodded eagerly. "Where is she now, maybe we could throw something together?"

Koenma hopped off of his chair and ran to the T.V., flicking it on over the muttered objections from Ogre.

"There, there! He's taken her to McDonalds! McDonalds of all places!"

Yusuke nodded sagely. "Not a bad date place, been there myself."

Koenma wished he had something to throw at Yusuke. "That's a terrible place! She is above such a pathetic place as McDonalds! And look at that loser she is sitting with! Doesn't he just look evil?"

Yusuke squinted at the screen. "He looks like a pansy. What the hell is she doing going out with him?"

Koenma threw his hands up and walked back over to his desk. "I have no idea. It's baffling. She's a beautiful actress, for crying out loud! And here she is with him."

Yusuke nodded his agreement. "Ok, here's what we are going to do. You'll wait in the background," he looked speculatively at Koenma, "out of the toddler form. I'll come up to her table and act like a complete dick to her. Her boyfriend is so weak that he won't be able to do anything about it. So, you come up and tell me off and save the day. Chicks dig guys like that. Just make sure you don't say my name, or she'll figure it out."

"Right," and before Ogre could stop him, Koenma opened a portal to the fast-food joint and pulled Yusuke through.

They both landed in tumble in the alley directly behind their destination. Koenma quickly stood up and donned his adult form.

"Geez, I'm so nervous."

"Don't worry about a thing, Toddler. I can act like a big enough of a jerk that she'll love anyone who saves her from this."

Koenma nodded. "I sure hope so, Yusuke."

With that, Yusuke strode confidently into McDonalds.

He spied the girl of Koenma's attentions rather easily – she had almost every guy in the place staring at her. A man would have to be gay not to, thought Yusuke.

Yusuke unbuttoned the top couple of buttons on his overcoat and spit in his hand and quickly mussed his hair. Now he was ready.

He slowly swaggered up to her table.

"Yo," he said, tagging his nose with this thumb a couple of times. She didn't so much as glance up at him. He frowned, ignoring the smiles he was beginning to get from the surrounding customers. "I said, yo, chick." Once more, she continued with her conversation.

He reached out. "Lady, I'm talking to you." She slapped his hand away before he could touch her shoulder.

Yusuke kind of stared in shock before smirking. It certainly wasn't everyday that women just slapped him away. Cripes, usually they cowered. His smile grew a bit wider. He began to reach forward once more. Nothing like trying again, right?

She turned in her seat abruptly and looked at him. "Is there something you need? A question you just have to ask? Because if not, I'd like to get back to my lunch."

Hm, Yusuke was beginning to realize that she wasn't going to be easy to intimidate.

He leaned back on his heels and stuck his fingers in his belt loops. "Of course I have a question." As soon as he could think of one, he'd ask her. "You think I just come up and bug pretty ladies with no cause? How rude of you to make such an assumption." He mockingly shook his head. "I can't believe you jump to snap judgments like that. Here I thought you were smarter than that." Hopefully, she'd react like Keiko and deny all slurs to her character.

She turned around back in her seat to face her boyfriend. "Well, here I am being rude again. What a shame. Maybe you should take the hint and go ask someone else that all-important question."

Noo, Koenma couldn't have picked someone like Keiko. Yusuke felt like sputtering. "Sweetheart," he charmingly said instead, "just what are you doing eating with a pansy like this? Really? You can do better!" He grabbed the back of a chair at another table and dragged it over, sitting on it backwards so he could use the back as an armrest.

"I don't recall asking you to sit at our table," she grated out coldly.

"That's because I didn't ask." God, if Keiko saw him now, she'd beat him for his lack of manners. "Now, answer me truthfully, what are you doing eating lunch with this here fella?" Yusuke really wanted to glance over at Koenma and give him a non-too-subtle hint to do something. It seemed the man was going to wait until the actress took care of the bully herself. It hadn't occurred to him that they would need a signal. Really, a distraught woman should have been a good enough clue!

"I was trying to eat my fries in peace, which is apparently too much to ask from someone like you. Which means I'm done." She glanced over at her date with a smile. "Shall we go?"

"Of course," he graciously acquiesced. "Maybe we can find somewhere a bit more quiet, hm?"

She glared at Yusuke. "Yes, one can only hope such a place exists."

Yusuke finally gave in and glanced frantically behind him for Koenma. He quickly scanned the entire restaurant. Well hell, he wasn't even in the stupid place!

He shook his head and smiled. "Be my guest," he said with raised hands. The actress eyed him warily.

"Thank you," she finally muttered. Yusuke could tell it just about killed her to bow to politeness and thank him. He waited until she and her man had left the place before getting up and strolling out to the alley.

He easily spotted Koenma talking to himself in a corner, wringing his hands. "Giving yourself a pep-talk, Koenma?"

"Why, yes, yes I was. I figured it couldn't hurt, you know? I needed to gear up a bit! When were you planning on starting?"

Yusuke shook his head once more. "She's already gone, Toddler. I started when I walked in. You know, right when you were watching?"

Koenma paled. "I missed her?" He collapsed back onto the wall in shock. "What am I going to do now, Yusuke?"

"I can't believe you are completely new at this, Koenma! We simply find her again and use another tactic. You picked a stubborn chick, Koenma. She was ready to beat me up." Yusuke had a slight admiring tone to his voice now that he wasn't at odds with her.

"Well, I could have told you that!"

Yusuke stared at Koenma for a moment. "Why didn't you? We would have done something entirely different!"

"Well, I thought you could be a big enough of a jerk that anyone would want to be saved, regardless of whether they can do it themselves or not. Were you a pain to her like you are to me all the time? I know that works."

"No, Toddler. See, it's an entirely different process. You have to respect the process!"

"Fine, fine." Koenma waffled his hands in the air. "So, what? We just pop back into Spirit World, find out where she is, and come back down here?"

"We could just as easily follow her. Less effort that way. They went left on Main."

"Let's go, then, Yusuke. It's not like we have time to dawdle!" Koenma hurried past Yusuke into the street. "Maine, Main, which street is Main, Yusuke?"

Yusuke sighed. "You need to get out of your office more, Koenma. It can only help." Koenma stared at him waiting. "This way." Yusuke swept his hand out, and the prince took off down the street.

"There, there they are! They just went into a karaoke bar!"

"Not really a quiet place. Which can only mean one thing."

Koenma whipped back around to Yusuke. "What?" he frantically asked.

"They're going to get a private booth and make-out! Don't they even do that on those soaps you watch?"

Koenma's gasp almost knocked him over. "No" he choked out.

"Yup," Yusuke nodded sagely.

"Damn. How are you going to bug her in a private booth?"

"Well, I doubt she'd fall for that tactic anyways. We're going to have to scope the place out and think of a new plan."

"We don't have time! He's corrupting her as we speak! The man is evil, Yusuke, evil!"

Yusuke grinned and shook his head. "We have time, and we have no other choice. Now, come on." He put his hand on Koenma's back and shoved him through the swinging doors into a dimly lit room. Both men paused and let their eyes adjust before sweeping the room.

Koenma practically vibrated at Yusuke's side as he pointed out the duo waiting in line to get a room. "Quick, scope it out, scope it out!"

Yusuke tried to hold onto his patience as he began looking around. His eyes happened to land on a familiar tall, gangly red-head. He raised his hand and frantically waved to Kuwabara.

Kuwabara noticed Yusuke right away and changed direction. "Yusuke!" he bellowed in greeting.

"Jesus, keep it down, will ya?" Yusuke muttered in an irate voice.

Kuwabara grinned. "What's going on? Why is Jr. here? Do we have a mission? I sure hope so. I've been so bloody bored."

"Yes," Yusuke said triumphantly. "We have a mission." He pulled his friend over and spun him around. He lifted his finger to point dramatically. "There. She is the mission."

"Her? What do you want with her?" He squinted briefly. "She looks like Kagome Higurashi. You know, that one actress from that one soap?"

"How the hell do you know her?" Yusuke asked his friend with a grin. "Been hitting the soaps again, have we?"

Kuwabara tried to look affronted and puffed out his chest. "Of course not. A man does not watch soap operas, Yusuke."

Koenma shushed them both. "Of course they do, so enough. We need to find a way to introduce me to her."

Kuwabara swung his gaze to Koenma. "Then what?"

Yusuke grinned. "Good question. What then, Koenma? Have you thought of what you are going to say to her?"

Koenma looked irritated. "Of course I've thought what I'm going to say to her. I've been imagining this meeting for weeks. I dream this meeting!"

Yusuke smirked again as he took in Kuwabara's confused face. "Right. Well, why don't you just walk up and introduce yourself. She looks like the straightforward type, right Yusuke?"

Yusuke shook his head at his friend. "That's too simple, it would never work."

"Well then, why don't you try being a dick to her, then Koenma can save her from you."

"Eh, we already tried that. Didn't work as well we would have liked. Maybe we could release a wild demon and you could save her from that?"

"I'm telling you," Kuwabara muttered, "keep it simple."

Once again, Koenma was nodding eagerly at Yusuke's plan. "Except it would have to be a weak demon. And we would have to wipe everyone's mind at the end. Except for hers, of course. She could be even more enamored of me then, since she would know I'm the Prince of Rekai!"

"Exactly!" shouted Yusuke. He leaned down to get closer to Koenma and began whispering in earnest. They both began to nod frantically.

Kuwabara shook his head. Sometimes he wondered how he was the most mature of the group.

He eyed Kagome briefly before making up his mind and walking over to her. If he left things up to Yusuke, the poor woman was likely going to end up mauled.

Koenma was busy looking at Yusuke like he was his idol. "Right, so I give him a strong left hook, knock him out, and then step over him to get to Kagome. I announce that I came to save her and sweep her off her feet."

"And then," Yusuke eagerly cut in, "Me and Kuwabara take care of the demon and the crowd while you go reserve your own little room with the actress!"

"Yes," Koenma grunted. "This is perfect. Now we just need to go find a de-" He was caught mid-word by a tap on the shoulder.

"Not now, Kuwabara. Can't you see Yusuke and I are very busy?" He looked at Yusuke ready to discuss where they could rustle up a low-level demon. He noticed the grin on his friend's face while he rocked back on his heels. Koenma kind of hunched down a bit before turning around.

And there, low and behold, was his crush, staring him forcefully in the eyes. Kuwabara was proudly grinning in the background for his own ingenuity.

Koenma paled and swayed on his feet. His throat seemed to close up, and he couldn't manage to squeeze a word out.

"Uhn!"

She smiled. "Your friend here told me you wanted me to sign something?"

Koenma stiffened even more. He frantically thought of each pocket on his outfight. He didn't even have a bloody pen. God, this was terrible! And not how he imagined he would sweep her off her feet at all!

He stood there motionless. All of sudden, he felt something shoved into his hand. He looked down to see that Yusuke had managed to find a pen and napkin. He heaved a huge sigh of relief and all but tossed her the two. She smiled once more at his nervousness.

"So you're the shy type, hm?" Koenma nodded once more. He could hear Yusuke sniggered in the background.

He choked out a cough. "I mean, not at all." His voice wouldn't stop squeaking. "Oh, god," he muttered, "I'm such a fan." Yusuke had progressed to what sounded like giggles.

She grinned at him again, before glaring at Yusuke. "Don't think I don't remember you," she snapped at him. Koenma was pleased to hear him shut up immediately.

"I'd love to stay and chat, especially after your friend here came and explained it all, but I'm at a meeting with my agent." She turned to Yusuke. "Who happens to _not_ be a pansy." She handed the napkin back to Koenma. She grinned before turning away. "I'm sure I'll see you again, Prince of the Rekai. Try to lay off the cameras, if you would." With that, she disappeared into a booth.

Koenma sat staring after her for a full minute before he furiously turned towards Kuwabara. "That wasn't the plan!"

"You're welcome," the red head graciously replied. "Your plan wouldn't have worked anyways."

"Did you have to tell her about the cameras?"

"What cameras?"

Yusuke began laughing once more. "She knew you were watching her, Koenma. It's the only explanation."

Koenma thought he'd die of mortification. "She probably only came over here to tell me to stop spying on her!" He frantically looked down at the napkin. And there was her phone number. His jaw dropped.

Yusuke leaned over his shoulder. "Holy shit, Toddler, you managed to actually get her number. Does she give it out to all her fans?"

Kuwabara shook his head. "No, you idiot. I told her Koenma would love to take her out to fancy restaurant way better than McDonalds if only she would give him the chance. She turned around to get a look at him and knew who he was right away. She told me he thought he was cute." Kuwabara turned to look at Koenma. The man had befuddles look on his face.

"She thought I was cute?"

Kuwabara grinned, slapped him on the back, and began moving towards the exit. "Yup. Now have fun, you two. And don't call me again until you have a real mission." With that, Cupid was gone.

Yusuke suddenly felt his pocked vibrate. He reached down and pulled out his cell phone with only a bit of trepidation. And there in big block letters was the angry text message he'd been expecting from Keiko since McDonalds. COME HOME NOW!

"Okay, Koenma, you have to come with me and explain to Keiko what I was doing at McDonalds. K?"

Koenma stared at the retreating man, looked at the cocktail napkin, grinned, looked at Yusuke, and disappeared with a small pop.

"Hey! You can't just leave me here to get back home all by myself!" He mentally smacked himself. Great. He looked up and shouted loudly, "See if I help you next time, Koenma!" Unh. How on earth was he going to explain hitting on another woman to Keiko? Yusuke sighed, and walked out the door to find the nearest flower shop. Roses it was.


End file.
